The Saving

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The Saving

I really wanted to save you..
And I really did,
It’s true.
I thought that I would keep you safe
Sheltered. Cloistered.
Away from harm.
I thought you needed my calm.
From the pain,
From bitterness.
From yourself, when you’d confessed.
I didn’t let the sun touch you.
I didn’t let the moon burn you.
Took away all the ghoulish dreams.
Stole away the nightmares
When you screamed.
I thought that I would save you.

Then one day,
When it was done
After the fork in our road.
When I sat there, all alone
The lack of color spelt it out.
I did not want to save you.

I did not want to save you,
You were a lucky casualty.
I needed the pain for myself.
I wanted the pain for myself.
I wanted the burn, the licking flares
I wanted your screaming nightmares.

It wasn’t ever for you,
But me
I was the one who wasn’t free
I had no taste without bitterness
Without your shadows
I was Nothingness
When your thorns were no longer there
I spilt no blood
And lost my way
There was no way,
There was no pain
I would never
Feel again
I needed your tortured thoughts
For without yours I had my own
Without you I just couldn’t
Face myself
When I was alone,

I drifted in and out of fogs,
Clutched the keys to
Forgotten locks
The music pounded in my ears
Your crying wasn’t there
To drown it out,
Your hurting wasn’t there
To drown me out

Because I needed you
More than you needed me
It was me that needed
Setting free
And now that the
Quiet’s set
There is no one to save me.

©CM
27.04.2013

Day 27 of NaPoWriMo, and we’re almost, almost there.

Have a great day, everyone. =)

Hugs,

Cookie ❤

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24 thoughts on “The Saving

  1. andy1076 says:

    You can save someone so much and shelter them from all pains, Even the world. But, when you forget to live yourself? A part of you is lost right?

    Like

  2. PapaBear says:

    Cookei, I really don’t know what to say… This is so insightfully sad, and at the same time so very real for so many people. It is an absolutely wonderful piece of writing, hopefully not from personal feelings. It provokes a lot of thought. Happy Saturday!
    Paul

    Like

    • Thank you so much, Paul. It is from personal experience, but it’s an experience, and a lesson learnt. That’s the only good thing about these vicious endless loops.. The loopholes. =P

      Have a happy Saturday! =)

      Like

      • PapaBear says:

        Journeys are always filled with “forks in the road” and sometimes we choose the wrong one. Been there and probably will again some day in the future. So will you…, but as you said, we learn more about how to choose the right ones as we go along. Love ‘n’ a hug, Cookie.
        Paul

        Like

      • PapaBear says:

        I’m finally getting around to acknowledging this, Cookie. Sorry it’s taken so long…

        ******************************************************

        I was nominated for this award by the Cookie Monstah estwhile addressed as https://calliopeslyre.wordpress.com/. You’ll thank yourself for visiting her blog. It’s great…, and she’s pretty nice too! Thanks for recognizing me with this honor, Cookie.

        Like

      • Aw, thanks Paul. =) I know, these awards do be a confuzzling at times, lol. =)

        Hope you’re having a great Sunday! =)

        Like

  3. Awww….You cute little You!!! This one’s a Winner!!!!!!!! I love every feeling I had on this! I love the ending sooo much!!! I love, that you’re so awesome at this ‘type/kind/theme’ of right. Really, you’re so marvelous at these things and letting out the emotions and roam freely on your poems. Ohh hey, let’s not forget, I love the cute little clever thing that You are!💚💚💚💞💞💞

    Like

  4. Sand says:

    You write something this potent and all you can after is: “Have a great day, everyone”? This is great stuff. GREAT STUFF. You’re an amazing person, so young to be this smart and this aware. I’m absolutely thrilled that I get to read you and wish I’d still be around to see what you are in 20 years if you’re this awesome now.

    Like

    • Ah, that ‘have a great day’ took effort yesterday, Sand. I wrote this poem directly on the blog, and it was almost physically exhausting to write it… Do you know that feeling you get sometimes, when you catch something hammering in your head and finally pin in down onto paper, and it leaves you feeling so drained…. Pretty much that. But your comments really make the struggling with clarity worth it, Sand. Thank you so, so much! =)

      Hugs! ❤

      Like

  5. Madsies says:

    I just forgot how to Smile for a while after reading this. Very sad.
    Im so glad to be on this blog. (Said so many times, but yeah Here i Go again) ❤ Awesomeness.

    Like

  6. Madsies says:

    I just forgot how to Smile after reading this. Very sad.
    Im saying this once again but yeah, Im so glad to be here.
    ❤ Awesomeness.
    Have A Great Day Too Cookie.

    Like

  7. Madsies says:

    I just forgot how to Smile after reading this. Very sad.
    Im saying this once again but yeah, Im so glad to be here.
    ❤ Awesomeness.
    Have A Great Day Too Cookie.

    Like

  8. Madsies says:

    I forgot how to Smile after reading this. Very sad.
    Im saying this once again, but yeah..Im so glad to be here.
    Now what brings the Smile back is you’re Awesomeness!
    Have a great day Cookie. ❤

    Like

  9. Madsies says:

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
    Huggggggggggggggsss! ❤

    Like

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