The Past that Never Goes Away

shadow

 

 

The Past That Never Goes Away

 

I made my way through many days,
Through so many torturous nights
I sat and held and endured things that
Would’ve long broken the fight
Of more whole, less cracked persons
After all these things, these years,
The hours locked that never seemed
To end, the bruises, welts, the tears,

 

That seem were becoming a part
Of me, routine, permanently
After sitting through the yelling,
All the screaming, and the throwing
The pitiful glances and shreds of
Comfort near strangers would give, in
Those days a rising, falling chest
Meant all it was to be, to live,

 

After all that, even after
Getting to Where, to Who I am,
The Past never goes away, it’s
Become something that I am,
I will always carry with me,
A shadow that follows my step
Even through high noon, in the sun,
There is no escaping it’s theft
Of my life, of what joy I can
Try to extract, try to live through
The Past, it never goes away,
It’s with me, whatever I do.

 

How much can a person take,
Before they crumble, fall apart?
Lies and false promises, dreams
Made of silver fragile glass,
Painted with deceptive trust.
Beatings, and being thrown away
In a hole in the ground, like
An animal, for come what may

 

Meant as just a punching bag,
Being reduced to a living nothing,
Being degraded, discarded and
Reclaimed for yet once more, again.
The past never does go away
It’s always there, watching in wait
For its chance, waiting for that one
Opportunity, break the gate

 

Come crashing into your world
To drag you down into the black
Fathomless depths of emptiness.
The past never does go back
Alone. it takes one flimsy door,
and gallops in to the now
To take it and futures away,
As though it was ordained somehow

 

No, the past won’t go away, it’s
What your nightmares are made of
And it will catch you unwary, to
Pull you in through thick and rough
The veils of each successive year
Will dampen its hold and its strength
But the past doesn’t go away,
It’s just waiting to get back in

 

Unless of course, you’ve let it in,
And let that grim man in the room
Sit and watch you, as you work
Instead of rotten and exhumed
He becomes a curious thing
Experience, a source, a way,
To know where it was you went wrong
And where you’ll never, ever stray

 

To you, the grim man in my room,
All I will say, it’s come to be,
I will always have to see you
Oft solemnly and bitterly
But you can’t overpower me,
I have seen you, I have been you
The holes of mind and earth are filled
The whole heart put as one with glue

 

So you are most welcome to come
To be my visitor, my guest
And some day I will greet you too
Not just endure, ignore, but bless
Some day I will look right through you
Through all that you still signify
Instead of that holocaust, I
Will see that yes, I survived..
I cannot preach but this is what
I’m learning everyday in bits..
The past will never go, but it’s
Our choice, what to do with it.

 

 

©CM
30.04.2013

 

 

 

Day 30 of NaPoWriMo, and here’s my almost last offering for the month. That’s right, almost last. For the last day, I’m putting up two poems!

I hope you liked this one. And I hope no matter what your past, you’re blessed with the strength to deal with, to love yourself no matter what you’ve been through. It took every little crack in the path to make you the person you are today, and you are perfect, flaws and all.

 

Because you’re a survivor. Because you’re you. And that’s not a bad thing at all.

 

Lots of love,

Cookie ❤

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24 thoughts on “The Past that Never Goes Away

  1. Oloriel says:

    This was a very powerfull poem and I lvoed and was captivated by the way you arranged your rhymes. I seriously cannot take out a piece that struck me most, because I believe that would undermined the value and power that this poem carries as a whole.

    Like

    • Thanks so much, Oloriel! I appreciate your encouragement. 🙂 This was a difficult poem to write, but at the end, as always, cathartic. I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂

      Thanks so much, again! 🙂

      Like

  2. Pootle says:

    Amazingly beautiful and apt 🙂

    Like

  3. Sand says:

    The sounds and smells of the past come along on our blind side and drag us unwilling and unseeing backward. And, no, they never stop. They’re the true ‘monsters under the bed’. This so perfectly depicts the fear and the disgust and the debilitating pain. This was hard to read and I’m sure it was awful to write. I kept wishing I could be there to help you up, to get between. A terrible and awesome write.

    Like

    • Thank you Sand, and I know you know it was, too. It took a lot to get everything out, not time wise but definitely effort wise. It ended being almost the longest I’ve written, but frankly I don’t think I’ll edit this one, it’s far too personal for me to be objective..

      Thank you for reading. Love and love and love, to you, you know it. =)

      Like

  4. Madsies says:

    This Poem is Strength. ❤
    Congos on completion of NaPoWriMo 😀
    And Thanks to NaPoWriMo for the daily dose of your Awesomeness.
    Your blog has become an Addiction now, Yes Yes! 😀
    Gratitude.
    Hail Cookie! \(-_-)/

    I loves this Blog n You!

    Have A Great Day! 🙂

    Like

  5. toriascribbles says:

    Lovely poem Purple… love it http://toriascribbles.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/three-more-awards/ nominated you for an award 😉

    Like

  6. toriascribbles says:

    And from me to you > Nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. 😉 http://toriascribbles.wordpress.com/2013/05/04/nominated-for-the-liebster-award/

    Like

  7. Hey I nominated you for a Liebster Award! Congratulations! Check out the details and rules on my blog 🙂

    Like

  8. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!

    Like

  9. Netta says:

    The past is not always bad….then again….sometimes we run away from the past…..love this poem….can so much relate….thanks so much for this.

    Like

  10. wbdeejay says:

    Powerful poem, well said! Reminded me of my own writing from just last week http://avulnerablespace.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/revisiting/ Although I think this is a recurring theme, due to it’s familiarity in my life experiences.
    Peter

    Like

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