Warning- Not intended for anyone not familiar with the workings of a beauty salon. If you still think that hair magically disappears on fairy wings, you might want to skip this one…
It hit me yesterday that it had been almost six months since I had a hair cut. While my shaggy dog imitation is
appalling, endearing, it needed some serious tending to. In fact I needed some spa time, it had been too much blood, sweat and tears lately anyway. (read- college. )
The beauty salon I frequent is a thing of wonder. Every time I go through the door there’s a new batch of faces, except for my terror of a hairdresser. I don’t know if it’s him that has such a high turnover rate, or just me going in so rarely that they finish their life cycles and fly away by the time my next visit happens. Anyhoo, I clocked in at the reception, picked my card up and went off in search of the eyebrow lady.
In retrospect, I should’ve seen in coming. The lady who walked out of the room was clearly wincing, that should’ve set some alarm bells off immediately. I was already in the lets-just-get-this-done-with stage though, so in I went.
Never to be seen again…
Almost. She yanked and tweezed and jerked and actually even knocked my head back onto the chair post thing (ah, headrest) once. Snapped the thread twice too, and seeing as how I barely had any eyebrows running wild to begin with, all the wrasslin’ was quite unnecessary. Not to be a moaner ever, I just sat there and took it like a man. Stab, peel, stab, snip, poke poke poke. Ouch.
And that’s just the eyebrows. What happened to my upper lip was.. um.. something that Frodo probably knows well. Imagine being upside down on Mount Doom while the Nine take turns inflicting fiery death across your upper lip, burning and pillaging and destroying your skin. Got the image? Yeah. Now imagine doing all that willingly, and then paying the lady who did that too…
And I don’t learn my lessons quick enough. I ought to have seen that the day was jinxed and headed home to hide under the bed, but I stuck around. To be honest, I’m a little scared of my hairdresser too, so I wouldn’t have canceled on him anyway.. 😦 Got a brief respite during the shampoo, that was nice enough. Got carted off to the cutting area where *ahem* I was handed over to one of the trainees.
The logic was that I just needed a trim and a little reshaping, easy for the young ‘uns to sharpen their claws on. Honestly? Next time I’ll get the Welsh pixie bouffant mohawk pouf whatever to avoid that situation. My ‘hairdresser’ was a deathly pale trainee who looked scared to death of the head. She proceeded to tangle my hair into a double knot that she couldn’t comb out, clamp my ear while pinning the sides up, yank my head back and forth enough to give me whiplash, and the piece de resistance, wrestle a huge barreled spiky hair brush in my long hair while trying to curl it round and dry it. How many kinds of idiot do you have to be, to use a roller brush that long bristled on long hair? I have one at home and we don’t even use it on the cat!
Oh and I didn’t even see her pick it up, because the whole time she was doing the front and sides. I had my eyes scrunched up tightly. I was terrified that she’s going to poke me with the scissor or the comb end, she actually glanced off my closed eyelids a couple of times! I would’ve said something, almost did the third time she dropped the scissor on my shoulder, but she looked so petrified already, I didn’t want to make it worse.
And that’s not even the end of the horror. The next lady I was handed over to managed to accidentally trip me, somehow drop kick a jar of hot wax onto my leg, then knock me knee first into the water basin where I was supposed to be soaking my feet. I don’t know if it was my clumsiness just radiating onto everyone else or what!
On the plus side though, I emerged beautified and beatific. Not. The only plus side is that I won’t have to go back for another six months. Three cheers!!!
A relatively unscathed,
Prompt- Too Soon http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/daily-prompt-funny-2/