Death By Beauty Salon Assistant

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Warning- Not intended for anyone not familiar with the workings of a beauty salon. If you still think that hair magically disappears on fairy wings, you might want to skip this one…

It hit me yesterday that it had been almost six months since I had a hair cut. While my shaggy dog imitation is appalling, endearing, it needed some serious tending to. In fact I needed some spa time, it had been too much blood, sweat and tears lately anyway. (read- college. :-/ )

The beauty salon I frequent is a thing of wonder. Every time I go through the door there’s a new batch of faces, except for my terror of a hairdresser. I don’t know if it’s him that has such a high turnover rate, or just me going in so rarely that they finish their life cycles and fly away by the time my next visit happens. Anyhoo, I clocked in at the reception, picked my card up and went off in search of the eyebrow lady.

In retrospect, I should’ve seen in coming. The lady who walked out of the room was clearly wincing, that should’ve set some alarm bells off immediately. I was already in the lets-just-get-this-done-with stage though, so in I went.

Never to be seen again…

Almost. She yanked and tweezed and jerked and actually even knocked my head back onto the chair post thing (ah, headrest) once. Snapped the thread twice too, and seeing as how I barely had any eyebrows running wild to begin with, all the wrasslin’ was quite unnecessary. Not to be a moaner ever, I just sat there and took it like a man. Stab, peel, stab, snip, poke poke poke. Ouch.

And that’s just the eyebrows. What happened to my upper lip was.. um.. something that Frodo probably knows well. Imagine being upside down on Mount Doom while the Nine take turns inflicting fiery death across your upper lip, burning and pillaging and destroying your skin. Got the image? Yeah. Now imagine doing all that willingly, and then paying the lady who did that too…

And I don’t learn my lessons quick enough. I ought to have seen that the day was jinxed and headed home to hide under the bed, but I stuck around. To be honest, I’m a little scared of my hairdresser too, so I wouldn’t have canceled on him anyway.. 😦 Got a brief respite during the shampoo, that was nice enough. Got carted off to the cutting area where *ahem* I was handed over to one of the trainees.

The logic was that I just needed a trim and a little reshaping, easy for the young ‘uns to sharpen their claws on. Honestly? Next time I’ll get the Welsh pixie bouffant mohawk pouf whatever to avoid that situation. My ‘hairdresser’ was a deathly pale trainee who looked scared to death of the head. She proceeded to tangle my hair into a double knot that she couldn’t comb out, clamp my ear while pinning the sides up, yank my head back and forth enough to give me whiplash, and the piece de resistance, wrestle a huge barreled spiky hair brush in my long hair while trying to curl it round and dry it. How many kinds of idiot do you have to be, to use a roller brush that long bristled on long hair? I have one at home and we don’t even use it on the cat!

Oh and I didn’t even see her pick it up, because the whole time she was doing the front and sides. I had my eyes scrunched up tightly. I was terrified that she’s going to poke me with the scissor or the comb end, she actually glanced off my closed eyelids a couple of times! I would’ve said something, almost did the third time she dropped the scissor on my shoulder, but she looked so petrified already, I didn’t want to make it worse. :-/

And that’s not even the end of the horror. The next lady I was handed over to managed to accidentally trip me, somehow drop kick a jar of hot wax onto my leg, then knock me knee first into the water basin where I was supposed to be soaking my feet. I don’t know if it was my clumsiness just radiating onto everyone else or what!

On the plus side though, I emerged beautified and beatific. Not. The only plus side is that I won’t have to go back for another six months. Three cheers!!!

A relatively unscathed,

Cookie ❤

Prompt- Too Soon http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/daily-prompt-funny-2/

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11 thoughts on “Death By Beauty Salon Assistant

  1. Oloriel says:

    What a horror. This is exactly what I expect to happen to me every time I need a hairdresser visit. I absolutely do not trust them one bit and I hate the way they bounce me of between each other, like it is nothing that I have allowed 1 of them to treat my hair, they just give that licence without asking me to someone also (ofcourse usualy a trainee, because they can’t hand over elderly to them,but young stupid people like me who won’t complain).I am training my husband to both dye and cut my hair, so I don’t have to bother with salons anymore.

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    • Oh God I know just what you mean! I dye my own hair, highlights occasionally and proper dying as well. Even cutting is fine, I do mum’s and my sister’s. It’s just the impossible bit, doing the back of your own head, that needs another set of hands. That’s a terrific idea though. I shall see if Le Fiancé is interested! Thanks for the tip! =D

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  2. […] Death By Beauty Salon Assistant | calliopes lyre […]

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  3. PapaBear says:

    Sounds like where I go for my haircuts…, never the same people there twice in a row, their license always seems to be only a week old and they not much older, and then comes the look of fear in their eyes (and mine) as they pick up the trimmer and/or shears and comb, but, like you, I always seem to emerge alive. Fun read, Cookie !!! Hope all is well as school approaches again.
    Paul

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  4. Madsies says:

    Firstly, the picture you used is very disturbing *scrolls down immediately*
    Secondly, Aww poor you…going through all that! Im Sorry, but this gave me good ROFLs! XD
    Take Care yeah! 😀

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  5. Sand says:

    What frosts my butt about this entire deal is that, even though YOU’RE paying THEM, they act as though they’re doing you some great favor. Ugh. I’m growing mine out so I don’t have to do that anymore. If it’s long and all one length I can trim the junk myself. The hair is currently its natural snow white but I do have a bottle of candy apple red dye sitting, patiently waiting for the day I’m tired of my ‘ghosthood’. I hope you didn’t give much by way of tips, my dear. They weren’t warranted. This was a fun read and I’m so glad I got to see it.

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    • Candy apple red sounds fabulous!!! And I know, I kinda ended up tipping her though. She was scared to death and a trainee, so I felt bad. Im useless like that lol.

      Glad you liked the write up though! I’m happy I could make you smile! =)

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  6. chazgee221 says:

    hilarious .. sucks for you but you made good use of your experience by entertaining us .. loved it ..

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