Open Letter from a Cookie Monstah

keep-calm-and-give-the-cookie-monster-a-hug

 

Open Letter from a Cookie Monstah

 

 

I’d been flirting with the idea of a longish, speak my heart out kind of post, but I had no clue how to put what I was thinking into words. Probably because I did not know what part of what I was thinking, to write about.  After bumping off a few walls though, I decided what I needed to say most of all was. It was thank you.

 

I started this blog eight months ago, in January, when I was on vacation from medschool. This whole year has been grueling hard. I’ve been worked down physically to my bones, mentally and emotionally to bits and pieces, and I’ve never had to run harder to stay in one place ever before. I started this blog on a spur of the moment impulse, a what-the-heck-lets-just-try-it thing, and half an hour later I was picking a theme.  I never expected it to take off. I never thought I’d get more than a handful of followers, if any at all. Most of all, I never thought I’d make friends here, find a family.

 

From that point to where I am now, there have been so many changes in my life, and me as a person, that it’s really testament to how much a person can change.   I go back to some of the first posts I shared here, and I think, who is this girl?  I’ve changed in manner, inflection, habit… some for the better, some for the worse. I know I don’t laugh as much as I used to before, but now when I laugh, I’ve stopped faking it. Now when I laugh, it means something.  I’ve stopped talking as much. I don’t chatter on aimlessly to fill the gaps in my life anymore.  I’ve learnt to figure out the persons in my life who really matter, and the ones who really don’t. And it wasn’t bad, because now I love the ones who matter even more fiercely. Most of all, even though I still don’t like the girl I see in the mirror, I’ve come to realize that there so many people who do, and some of them love me too, despite having never seen me. I’ve been trusted with so many thoughts, so many feelings, so many secrets… and so much love. It has humbled me beyond comprehension to think of it all, and made me grow, like I never had reason to before.

 

And I’ve grown. I’ve grown older still. In some ways wearier, and weaker, but for the most part, stronger. And all this while, when I was putting my innermost waves and turbulence onto the screen and clicking ‘publish’, I had you. All of you. I knew you were reading, listening, taking the time to stop from your busy lives and for a few moments, feel my life, my words. Some of you helped me to pause and stand up straight, helped me smile, helped me really smile. You helped me work harder, keep it straight, gave me reason to anchor myself. I drew that strength from you, that love, and you gave it freely. Some of you, some metaphorically, some literally, held me tight when I cried, and God I love you so much for it.

 

I’m not as sweet as I used to be, nor as carefree. Nor am I as worried about stepping on toes, or taking the beating quietly when someone steps on me, because as anyone who’s read the Abnormally Normal bits can tell, it happens often enough.  I’ve learnt to shrug off things I cannot change, and change what I cannot shrug off. And I’m learning, learning still.

 

And I have you with me. Thank you for that.

 

 

So much, so much love,

 

Cookie ❤

 

Ps. Thank you for the nudge, Weekly Writing Challenge.

 

Pps. The other reason why I needed to say thank you.  I got my results today. Your Cookie Monstah is now Doctor Cookie Monstah. 😀

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14 thoughts on “Open Letter from a Cookie Monstah

  1. Oloriel says:

    Yay, congratz to you, Dr. Cookie! Sounds awesome!
    Having a blog will almost always end up in a special kind of feeling. Just the ability to watch a documented script of how you are growing as a person, as a soul – is fantastic!

    Like

  2. rarasaur says:

    *hugs* Dr. Cookie, congrats again and much love to you! 🙂

    Like

  3. JMC813 says:

    Completely awesome!!!! I do not even know you, other than knowing I like the way you write and what you have to say, and despite that, I just welled up with pride for you Doctor. A blogging family is a pretty cool thing to have. Definite HUGS for the Cookie Monster are in order.
    Keep Inspiring Doc.

    Like

    • Thank you so much, JM! It definitely is an awesome thing! When you have so many people getting your back, it’s nothing short of a blessing. An thank you! I will take those hugs!! Right back at you as well! =D

      Like

  4. Sand says:

    Oh, congratulations of the largest variety, sweet girl. I’m glad you’re waxing philosophical on the changes you’ve undergone since you began this experiment. Remember that the ugliest experiences often contribute the most wisdom. And however much sour has been added to your sweetness this year, it just makes the lemonade better. Like journaling, this sort of thing is of immense help. Going back to read how you felt 8 months ago compared to now, realizing all the challenges you’ve overcome, the blows you’ve survived and the shift in emotions all that stuff caused just lets you know that you’re growing, becoming a tougher, smarter Cookie. Don’t stop.

    Like

    • Thank you Sand dear. It’s more than that, more than just the chronicled feelings and getting to watch them rise and fall in shades. It’s knowing that I have you with me as well, and you’ve been such a sweetheart to me, Sand, you know just what I mean. I always survive, but this time, even the horrible bits didnt dent me so much, and I’m so grateful for that. And for you. ❤

      Like

  5. PapaBear says:

    MONSTER size congratulations to you, Cookie. You deserve them. I’ve seen you travel the peaks and valleys this past several months and what I observed was the event of someone truly coming alive and maturing. It hasn’t been easy (for you, or to watch) but, the best way I can describe it is – from a girl to a woman, and a sweet one at that. Doctor Cookie…, WoW !!! What a wonderful accomplishment you’ve completed. Love and a HUGE hug, Cookie.
    Paul

    Like

    • It’s a big step in the right direction, Paul.. But you know your hugs and support helped propel me in down the right lane. =) it hasn’t been easy at all, but having your kind words has made it easier. Thank you so much! I will take that big hug, and send one right back! =) ❤

      Like

  6. Madsies says:

    *keeps calm and gives the cookie monstah a hug*
    And Then……*SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU HUGS* ❤
    Love ya, n Yay you are a Doctor. 😀 😉 *another round of insane hugs*
    Thanks for giving us all, this Blog.
    Hail, Cookie Monstah! 😀

    Like

  7. Salam says:

    Congratulations.
    Sorry I am late!

    Like

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