Acceptance

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Acceptance

Acceptance
It’s such a powerful thing
To be able to look yourself
In the eye, and say
Yes
This is who I am
This is me
To be able to sleep at night
Knowing,
That even if you’re not where
You aimed for, right now,
You’re okay
You’re okay just to be.
To exist in the space
You occupy
Even if it isn’t euphoria
It isn’t misery

And I want to be able to do that
Know my vices
Fill the crevices
To be able to
Know my light
Despite the daily struggles that come
Acknowledge the fact
That I’m worth the effort
Find satisfaction, resignation,
That I’m worth the fight

And I wish, like the stormy skies,
I could just pour away all the tears
All the pain
But no matter how much I do
How much I let out
It’s simply never the same
Again

Β©CM
11.07.2014

Acceptance. It’s such a powerful thing.

I was never brought up to accept myself. On the contrary, it was a cacophony of criticism from my father. Too fat, too stupid, too slow, too ugly, too short, too lazy, basically everything that could be wrong in the world, he saw in me. My mother is a supporter of being honest ‘no matter what’, so she always told me that I was just normal, below average. I could be above average if I tried, but I had to do that on my own. Not exactly the kind of stuff I’d tell a nine year old girl struggling to form a self image, but well.

It really is no surprise that I had such a distorted perception of myself for so long. That it took me years to acknowledge my accomplishments as accomplishments, not just something every kid or teen did. I grew incredibly insulated, and incredibly crippled emotionally. If someone gave me a compliment, I’d snort derisively, I mean, how could someone see something good in me, when I couldn’t myself? There was nothing good about me. There was nothing right about me. I was nothing but one mistake after the other, that’s all there was to me.

And then it all changed. For so long I let people point out flaws in me that I never realized I didn’t have to listen to it. I didn’t have to agree to it. And now I don’t.

Acceptance is a powerful ability to possess. I find that now, now when I’m possibly in the worst shape of my life, and emotionally at my most brittle, now I find that I can accept myself. I won’t deny my flaws, my vices, but I accept them. I accept the good and the bad as part of me. Changes that need to be made as I see fit. And I was taught, my someone very dear, someone who probably didn’t even realize what they were teaching me, that all I needed to do, was accept myself.

It’s a necessity, really. To be able to gauge yourself, where you stand, in brutal honesty about your faults and your skills. It’s something we all need to see, that our faults make us who we are just as much as anything else. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a survivor, despite what my upbringing taught me. Despite what anyone said to me.

And it’s a lesson I’m learning, slowly but surely . One that I hope to keep learning, for the rest of my life.

Love and light,

Cookie ❀

Ps. Go Germany!!!!!!

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20 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. andy1076 says:

    You are so beautiful inside and out, This I see from your words alone. Kudos for finding your strength to push against the negative comments growing up Cookie! πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. wbdeejay says:

    Self acceptance, wow that is great! (Jealous a little) I hope that comfort helps you get through all that is going on at the moment. Take care.

    Like

  3. Morgan says:

    Thank You for Sharing your Wonderful Inspirations that touch my life each day πŸ™‚ Happy Friday and Have a Fantastic Week End~

    Like

  4. daslater2013 says:

    Wow!!! Deep and poignant – love your writing style Cookie – we are full of nooks n cranies that make up who we are – most never give themselves a second thought – Here you have stripped away those furnishings and took a long deep look at self – Tis an excellent write brutal n frank but as you say the battle isn’t over until we learn acceptance πŸ™‚ Bless and keep well ❀

    Like

    • I’ve done nothing but stare at myself brutally, David. Learning to soften the gaze now. πŸ™‚ thank you so much, sweetie. ❀

      Like

      • Netta de Beer says:

        You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?
        Dr. Seuss….just love this qoute.!!
        How beautiful to share this…..I have learned it’s the heart that talk….
        Every where I go I try to give a positive comment….yes, a 9year old needs encouragement…wow! . Absolutly …. Love
        Love this so much….thank you!

        Like

  5. Madsies says:

    Love the dark quote. Nicely written.
    You are ever beautiful Cookie. πŸ™‚
    Xoxo.

    Like

  6. Virginia says:

    Wonderful. And so are you!! Don’t doubt it. Be kind to yourself, you lovely and intelligent person ❀

    Like

  7. nikoautajay says:

    so beautiful ❀ πŸ˜€ i love it

    Like

  8. Sand says:

    You show the world your mind and heart with your poetry. The contents are glorious, sweet and shiny. It’s hard to superimpose truth over the image that’s been etched in our mirrors by those who were supposed to be teaching us in loving ways that we are precious and have instead sliced at us and left us bloodied. But it can be done. And you are correct, having someone love you and accept you for exactly what you are helps more than anything. These days I hoist my middle finger high at all those old tapes when they start playing. You can. You will. Because you are a survivor. You ARE!

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    • Some days, I can believe that, Sand. On others, it’s a little more difficult to wrap my head around.And some, it’s an impossible ambition, lol. Here’s hoping for the best. Thanks for your love and support, sweetie. And I agree. That middle finger comes in awfully… handy. πŸ˜‰ (couldn’t help myself, sorry πŸ˜› ) Lots of love!! πŸ˜€

      Like

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