L’amour et la réalisation

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L’amour et la Réalisation

I realized something today.

I don’t suck in my stomach around you anymore. You know, the way I self consciously hold it in around other people. Most of the time, I just curl up next to you, all thoughts of crossing my legs or tucking my ankles in, long forgotten.

I rarely touch my make up up, when we go out. I generally end up eating my lip gloss and my eyeliner fades to a few shades lighter, but none of those things, that i would otherwise fuss about, none of that even registers.

I don’t feel like I need make up to be pretty, around you. I feel pretty all the time, around you. And it feels pretty good.

The same goes for high heels. I realized that I no longer make my feet suffer tottering stacked heels or stilettos every day. I don’t really feel like I need to compensate, for being a shorty. I wear them when I feel like, and when I don’t feel like, I don’t.

Just like I’m not holding back when I laugh with you. At that moment, I feel genuine delight, not the need to not smile so wide because my teeth are too big, or my cheeks too puffy. I laugh, and it feels pretty good.

Just like I don’t obsess about my hair, or my clothes. All the artificialities, all the pretense, all the reins have fallen away.

Just like I don’t rein in my tongue, or bite back answers I know, so that I don’t seem too smart. Or like a know it all. How I’m not afraid of taking the spotlight anymore. Simultaneously, how I don’t feel like I need to prove myself to anyone. How I’m content with just watching, and listening. And learning.

Just like I’m not ashamed of being who I am. Of eating as much as I want to when I’m hungry, without being paranoid that I’ll be taken for a glutton. Like I’m not guilty of taking some time off for myself, a feat hitherto unheard of.

Like feeling that I deserve good things too, and that settling would be unfair to me. I’m not ashamed of feeling like I deserve something.

Like I am someone.

Did you ever realize, all that you’ve done for me?

I’m eating a walnut brownie sundae right now. It tastes pretty good. And the fact that I can eat it, and no longer need to obsess about throwing it up soon… I wont lie, it feels pretty good. =)

Hugs,

Cookie ❤

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13 thoughts on “L’amour et la réalisation

  1. Aul says:

    Haha, don’t get sick Cookie!
    That was a beautiful post! I hope all of it’s true…except the part about throwing up…
    I’m nominating you for the One Lovely Blog Award. You can read up on it at http://montairyus23.wordpress.com/2014/08/09/one-lovely-blog-award/
    Thanks!
    Aul

    Like

  2. xxxx says:

    love you cookie 😛
    nice post !!

    Like

  3. PapaBear says:

    “I don’t suck in my stomach around you anymore. ” …I noticed 🙂 Hahahaha!!!!!!! Hugs, Cookie…xo

    Like

  4. Mike says:

    Undoubted and unambiguous certainty rings throughout – nice work.

    Like

  5. Netta de Beer says:

    So in love with this!!
    I am who I am….and that is more than enought .

    Like

  6. Madsies says:

    Good girl. Feels good reading this. Me miss you Cookie. ❤ Xoxo

    Like

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