-III-

20140917-235921.jpg

-III-

Could I love you, with
Detachment
A sense of being stabbed
With a dull blade
Again
And again
With a growing, gnawing
Indifference
As if to broken, dragging
Wings
Could I love you, when
All the remnants of my pride
Urge me
to lash out
In defiance?

What then, when,
You cannot touch me anymore?
When reticence bleeds out
Leaving glassy eyes
Lacking that spark
from before
Is it revulsion
Suffocation?
What am I to think,
As your features grimace
Blink
When my warmth attempts
To approach you
My ice statue,
How could I not
Sink?

Trapped in morbid
Anticipation
Imprisoned in this
Confusing love
What will I do
It’s a realization
With the delicacy
Of a tornado
Or a tidal wave

I’ll never know
If I’ll have you
A moment
More than today

That has been the answer
I suppose
From the very start
I will love you
And keep doing so
No matter what

© CM
17.09.2014

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12 thoughts on “-III-

  1. andy1076 says:

    Filled with so much passion.. beautiful..

    Like

  2. debra49 says:

    Most impeccable write!!! Well done! Peace 🙂

    Like

  3. kate says:

    You almost sang my song.
    Mine reads more like this….
    Just sharing. Not wanting credit.
    I feel like your sister sometimes,
    when you write words straight from my heart.

    It’s Over‏

    Could I love you, with
    detachment?

    No more than once every two weeks?

    No.

    Knowing now that you only call

    with your own needs in mind,

    and the hell with mine.

    Makes you a selfish bastard,

    don’t you think?

    I do.

    A sense of being stabbed
    With a dull blade
    Again
    And again
    With a growing, gnawing
    Indifference
    As if broken respect
    is all you have left.

    Could I love you, when
    All the remnants of my pride
    Urge me
    to lash out
    In defiance?

    No.

    The depth of love dwindling away

    each time you decide

    not to respond.

    Is all I am now,

    just your fuck toy?

    what happened to the choir boy image?
    Do you go to church out of town,

    after your drunken night out with the boys?

    Yeah right.

    What then, when,

    You cannot touch me anymore?

    When someone comes along,

    who desires to spend real time with me.

    That has love, eagerness, and

    sweet attention to share.

    A man that wants to know,

    and cherish me.

    I used to feel that I wanted you..

    to spend the night,

    When I hungered long

    for every extra second with you.

    Not tonight though, tonight is to lay it out,

    one last time, where you decide

    if you’re in this or not.

    I will not be just be your secret…

    fuck date

    anymore.

    You cannot see how inflated

    your pride has become.
    It’s there though, in your plans,

    your words, your eyes.

    Giant ego bigger than your shoes.

    Leaves me feeling cold, and used.

    Do you pencil in any time for your kids?

    It’s starting to reveal,

    that you cannot spend time with them,

    when you are always out of town,

    and they are in school.

    So the $900 is more about,

    buying your way out,

    of real personal involvement.

    What would your Mason’s think,

    were they to know about,

    The real guy inside,

    instead of your huge pack of lies?

    What am I to think,
    As your features grimace
    Blink, and your ejaculation comes,

    laced with profanity?

    I hate that you moan “Oh shit”

    and soil our loving.

    When my warmth attempts
    To approach you
    My ice statue,
    How could I not
    Sink?

    Trapped in morbid
    Anticipation
    Imprisoned in this
    Confusing love
    What will I do
    It’s a realization
    With the delicacy
    Of a tornado
    Or a tidal wave

    I’ll never know
    If I’ll have you
    A moment
    More than today.
    Each day you grow colder

    and less attractive
    to me.

    That has been the answer
    I suppose
    From the very start
    I will not love you
    And keep doing this insanity,

    hoping for a different outcome

    ever again.

    Trust is eroded, each time you say
    you will pull back on your commitments,
    and then don’t.

    You could care less that I am lonely,
    or have a problem, and want to talk.
    Or need your help with something.

    Never communicating well,
    unless to express
    you’re horny again.

    No, tonight is not for hot sex,
    and repetitious lies.

    Tonight is for your kick upside the head Fred.

    Fuck you!

    Goodbye.

    I loved you once,

    before I became,

    Only your whore.

    Never again.

    Like

    • Thank you so much, I’m glad I could make you feel understood. And thank you for sharing. Even displaying so pain takes courage. I’m glad you’re moving on. At no point should anyone be allowed to make you feel as though loving them is a vulnerability….. Even though it is one. Thank you so much for this comment. =) Much love! ❤

      Like

  4. kate says:

    I thought you would read and delete, Thanks for understanding. Big hugs. Having written that, I let him stay anyway, after he said some right words. The next day he could not answer my text. so the outcome is clear, delete number, ignore booty call. : )) #movingon

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Madsies says:

    Unconditional love. Once attained..impossible to let go. ❤
    I adore the picture!

    Like

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