Educated Monsters, All

Educated Monsters, All

There are many kinds of monsters.

In my limited experience of the world so far, I can’t say I’ve had the fortune or misfortune to see and categorize all of them. But the ones I have met so far, I think I’ve gotten a fairly close look at them.

A few of them have been your average, standard, run of the mill lecherous old men. I wouldn’t say ‘old’, middle aged , forties to fifties onwards is the general age group, but what holds common to all of them is the open lewdness. They make up a good chunk of my father’s friends. Whenever they come over, I feel this sudden urge to find the biggest, baggiest jacket I have and throw it over whatever I’m wearing. When they look at you you know, you know that they’re mentally stripping you down to your skin- and all the while, maintaining a polite conversation with you and your family as their checking out your ass, or directing sentences to your chest. A level above this base standard is the religious laviscious kind, who do exactly the same kind of visual body check, but the conversation is more of a sermon. Prolonged talks about religiousness and religion, their habits and their supposed closeness with God, these kind of things are what they talk about- but again, you feel sorely tempted to remind up them that your eyes are, in fact, up here.

The religious monsters are actually a diverse kind. There are some who are simply egotistical beasts. Wrapped in their pseudo aura of holiness, the sum total of their interaction with people is derived from (a) preaching, (b) praising God, (c) praising themselves while they praise God (quite an art, that), and (d) judging the rest of the world while they do all three of the above. In a way, these are minor demons. Their pride and need for religious supremacy keeps them from being too damaging to people who aren’t in their close quarters. Indeed, the religious monsters make for good company in small doses. Families appreciate visits from these godly men who stop by with words of guidance and advice. People even seek them out with their problems, and in the spirit of helping their fellow man, these religious monsters are actually good sometimes.

But not in close quarters. In close quarters everything that is good about them quickly becomes tedious. It’s like eating cake. A slice of cake is good. Two slices is better (three even better, mmm!). But being force fed pounds and pounds of decadent, sinfully rich cake, even thick chocolate cake, quickly becomes nauseating. After prolonged interaction, these religious monsters turn even God- who we turn to in times of happiness and distress, even God- someone to run away from, because you’ve just had ENOUGH.

Then you have your misers, spend thrifts, your naggers. Your chasers. Your obsessive compulsive neat freaks, anal retentive control seekers. You have your leeches and your frauds, your whiners and self pitiers. Martyrs and saviors, I kid you not, I’ve seen at least one monster of each kind. And I’ve seen one, that is all of these, put together- my father.

He doesn’t like to spend money, but will blow thousands and millions on ‘investments’ that have slowly started tightening around his neck. Since he’s a martyr, he deludes himself in the idea that he’s suffering, suffering for betterment, and he will be the savior of us all. But not above God, of course. Because as a self styled and self proclaimed ‘pious’ man, he must and constantly must remind us of how great God is, how that greatness works through him- which is utter nonsense, but the humor of the irony soon melts into annoyance when the same thing is said a hundred times a day.

And he’s an undeniable leech. Glories in surrounding himself with ‘rich’ and influential people, boasting about this and bragging about that- he loves the corners of the social world where wickedness thrives. And right after a spree of soirees of this sort, he bounces right back into harping incessantly about god and piety, to rinse his image out again.

And he’s so anal retentive, it actually makes complete sense why he talks crap all the time- it has no other exit to leave his system. In my house, no one has the authority to move the kitchen sponge from its designated location. Or the spoons. Or the plates. He decides the menus, he decides who eats what, who wears what- he would probably love to extend his authority over our thoughts as well, but for now, those at least are blessedly ours. And he’s a slime. A complete and unutterable slime. When I was fifteen I was stupid enough to call a friend over for lunch while he was there. Basically every conversation we had in his presence involved him valuing at her open mouthed, doing that x ray strip thing. And later after she left, he commented that my friend was very ‘attractive’- it was our turn to gape at him.

What I don’t understand, is how these monsters live in civilized society. These aren’t uneducated louts. They’re men from good families with money, proper educations, experience, and most have families of their own. How is it that no one *sees* them for what they are? Living with my father has made my slime ball radar exceptionally fine tuned, but surely, people can tell? And even they know, they know the person they’re addressing is a complete creep, they still suck up to them, for the sake of ‘networking’. How repulsive are these kind of mooning flatterers, in turn?

I mean, seriously. How are these educated monsters running around uncollared? What is wrong with the world?

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9 thoughts on “Educated Monsters, All

  1. chazgee221 says:

    Cookie, you gotta write a book. When I see pieces of that length, I give a quick like and move on. But you!!! I read and read and I’m left wanting more. I care for you, want the best for you and wish you catch the biggest break. In case you haven’t heard it the last thousand times I said it, I fucking love you!!!

    your friend,
    Charlie

    PS – This is a very insightful, wise and very funny piece. I don’t know if funniness was your intent but there were glows of recognition for me ’cause I know some of these monsters myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Charlie dear. I do get a little carried away with the words, don’t I? lol. :p I do plan on writing a book some day. Lord knows I have plenty to tell, my story’s a good long one already. I’m just… waiting for a happy ending for it. 🙂

      And I’m glad you found it in funny in bits. It’s all about spotting the gallows humor, from day to day. Oftentimes we burst out laughing from the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. Especially when my dad has his epic rants about how the dishes should be scrubbed or placed just so to dry- different rules for plates, bowls, and spoons. It gets hard to keep a straight face sometimes. :p

      I’m sorry that you knew these monsters though.. I hope you don’t know them anymore. ❤

      All my love to you, Charlie dear. You know you have it. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Virginia says:

    I agree with Charlie. I wish I could sit down with you and chat the night away. I am sorry you have to know these monsters. I have known too many of them myself. Does make you wonder, doesn’t it?

    I cannot wait until you are free to be around whomever you please. When you can leave the monsters behind and surround yourself with angelic and glorious folk. The time will come. But until then, know that you are not alone. Hugs from me 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • The thing is, I’ve kind of come to realize that I’m already surrounded by a lot of angelic folk too. That’s probably why I haven’t just rolled over and given up on the world completely. There’s plenty of monsters, but plenty of good people in my life too.

      You should know all about that. You’re one of them. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  3. OMG!!! Cookie you nailed these monsters well…oh, and I haven’t forgotten the “gimme”…giggles. Hope to write offline tamarra!!

    ‘Rissa

    Like

  4. okay…I just saw an email that was “new” and replied to Cookie…it has to do with a Dr Seuss Character?
    🙂

    Like

  5. Madsies says:

    I deliver my compassion to you in the form of these *giant hugs*.
    It’s sad to see an angel stuck up with these monsters. Your words hit me so much. I implore you never confront them again. Xxoo.

    Like

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