Where Do You Love?

Where Do You Love? 

Where do you love me,
In the course of the day?
Am I your mornings, rainy and grey?
Or sunlight, a call to another beginning?
Am I your twilight, dim and still

Am I your night?

Where do you love me,
As a companion, as help?
Am I to subserviant, or
an equal, treated well the same
as you, do you look up to
me with respect
Where do you love me, when
I’m quiet, and you’ve left?

Where do you love me, tell me
Do you know what it is
to ache?
Have you learnt yet that to love
is to accept that
You can break?
Have you hurt yet, have you fallen
and seen that I stand
ready, to catch you if needs be
Have you needed to take
my hand?

Where do you love me, when
I’m angry and
you can’t understand?

There are mountains of upheaval, and
ripples of self flagellation
There are constellations of dreams and
Figments of imagination
And if you haven’t seen them yet, as
I have,
Where will you love me
When our demons come to call?
If you still don’t know, if
you’re still refusing to see it,
-if you’re refusing to say it

Will you love me at all?

(c)CM
14.08.2015

The problem with intensity, is how quickly it takes up capacity. Saturation… Like how you can have one bite of a
sinfully thick chocolate sundae, but maybe two, or three, if it’s a light vanilla. Like how you can drink your way through a six pack of beer, but four fingers of whiskey will sear into your brain. Probably why I’m okay with cigars and cigarettes- Hookah is for amateurs.

There’s a reason they call it a ‘burning intensity’. There’s also a reason that we find moments of focused emotion and energy scattered in a span of days, or weeks. Our minds do not reach epiphanies once each day- that cannot. We do not transcend except in parts. We do not look within except in glimpses. Our bodies, our nerves, our realization,
would blow a fuse. We are not built to function, with that sort of ferocity.

Even though we crave it.

We crave the fierceness. We reach for it. We retreat to lick our wounds and heal, just as quickly, too. It’s called our space. Some people need more of it, and some people need less. Some need seemingly none at all, and seem to thrive
off their day long social interactions and emotional attachments. Others are tired just by having to hold a conversation with a stranger. Making words with meaning in them… Seems like the unlikeliest thing that could take a toll on a body, but it does. Interaction is… a shift of essence. I suppose it’s only logical that it would drain us, or replenish us accordingly.
Makes me wonder about the physics of it. You seem to do both.

I wonder when I made that shift. I know how I made it, but I wonder about the ‘when’. Was it a subconscious choice? Was it a defense mechanism? I don’t know that. What I do know is that I chose to devote the sum total of my energies to loving you, and loving me. That completed me, fulfilled me, in a way I hadn’t thought possible. And those strands that I held on to, are all that remain. The intensity with which I love where I do, burns brighter than the lights of the rest of the world.
Insignificant, inconsequential. How much of ourselves we give away, how much we gain. It is astonishing how much who we choose to love changes us- as does how we choose to love.

Where does your flame burn from?

Where do you love?

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Where Do You Love?

  1. Madsies says:

    Thoughtful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blkkat49 says:

    A passionate search for the answer to the question we have asked, but your questions are profound.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s