See, on your day off, you want to do the opposite of things. You want to do NOT things.
Things include parties. Parties are fun when they’re gatherings of like minded people, together for laughing and joking and sometimes, for showing off the new furniture- sometimes. Parties are not fun when you have to endure them for any reason. Which is why I flopped down on the ground in front of my mom and threw a loud, wailing tantrum about how I don’t want to go to my stupid cousin’s stupid house and be nice to stupid people.
But, as expected, I wore stinking pretty clothes and went. At least there would be cake, I consoled myself.
There was no cake.
Five hours of talking about clothes, husbands, and the weather later, I have survived, and I am home.
There is a special place in Hell for cousins who hand you their squalling toddlers and run away, leaving you to wrestle a baby you haven’t seen since his intrauterine life.
Satan will bathe in the contents of his spittoon the women who chase you around parties asking why you haven’t gotten married yet.
I’m going to put my pjs on, then I’m going to go sterilise my face because someone’s kid BIT MY FACE. While the mother watched. And then she told me how precious it is that he learnt to that, while the kid hopped off my lap and chewed her toe. My dogs are literally more well behaved than that.
Parties like these are why I have a bottle of whiskey hidden under my bed. I need a damned stiff drink.
I like kids, but if you’re raising brats, remember- they’re not ah-dawwrable to anyone except you.
On that note, I’m going to pass out. And if any of you haven’t read this yet, I highly recommend you do. The Oatmeal is always good for a laugh. 🙂
Cheers,
Cookie ❤
Posted for https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/original/
LikeLike
Soooo you won’t be a cat lady huh 😋
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well not forever, hopefully. Maybe I’ll get to making a Cacamachine eventually :p
LikeLiked by 1 person
😄😄
LikeLike
Hahahaha at this line – “leaving you to wrestle a baby you haven’t seen since his intrauterine life.” Awesome! lol!
Hidden bottles of whiskey are a lifesaver!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
No biggie! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I reblogged this post, but my reblog is probably in your spam!
LikeLiked by 1 person
In my spam? Nope I got the email notif for it. 🙂
LikeLike
Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
Hahaha I loved this line, “There is a special place in Hell for cousins who hand you their squalling toddlers and run away, leaving you to wrestle a baby you haven’t seen since his intrauterine life.” 😂😂😂
Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.
LikeLike
I can relate to this post! I’ve often thought dogs are more hygienic than toddlers. Whoever caught winter vomiting virus off a dog?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agreed. After the anemic pudding dessert debacle, we got ice cream all around, and my dogs patiently waited their turn. Pets > brats any day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d rather be bitten by a rabid cat !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehe xD
LikeLike
How monstrous!
LikeLike
And quite the funny link you left there. Thank you!
LikeLike
😂😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😬😬
LikeLiked by 1 person