It still hasn’t stopped being disconcerting.
Admittedly, I’ve been more touchy than usual in these days last few days. The Domino Effect of Shitstacks states that new nuisances will compound older ones and all of them put together, reawaken the oldest. Or, release the broken Kraken, I suppose. And mine’s barely on a leash.
I wonder with increasing frequency, when this un-banishable feeling of inadequacy will finally leave. Every day I wake up feeling empty is a day I spend wondering, in every unguarded moment, _why_ I wasn’t good enough. Why you were stupid enough. Why I was stupid enough. Why nothing was enough. And I’ve had enough of it.
I want to be free, of this persistent nothingness. I’m not looking to fill it with someone else, and as gut-wrenching as the thought is, not even with you again. You punched your way out of my chest. You’re not finding home in there again, no matter how contrite you are.
So there’s that, I suppose.
At least the birds are so loud that they drown out my thoughts. Good morning it is.