Bon(n) Appetit!

Well, well, well. Look who the carousel threw up. 🙂


Today was the Rosenmontag Karneval in Bonn. Although Karneval is celebrated madly in Germany as a whole (like any legally delineated time frame for public debauchery, drunkenness, dressing up in mad outfits, and drowning yourself in sugary treats would/should be), the North Rhine area takes a special fondness to being as certifiably loony as they can be, this time of the year. And naturally, there I was.

A friend of mine lives directly in the path of the Karneval parade. Since I’d missed it last year (and heard it being mentioned as an event of somewhat mythical proportions all year long), I put on my green sequinned hat (think a North Korean general on RuPaul’s drag race) and got myself an overpriced matching bag to boot. Then we parked ourselves on her window ledge, and spent four hours bellowing KAMELLE! at the floats going past.

And what floats there were! Admittedly, they aren’t anything to the scale of the NYC parade monstrosities, but there is a certain class and charm to things here. Marching band after marching went by in admirably matching outfits, loudly clanging brass bands and baton and flag twirlers, ever so often. Every ear-splitting scream aimed in their direction was answered by fistfuls of candy thrown in our direction. There was one extreeeemely retro moment, too, when an elderly ‘officer’ left the main stream and crossed over to where our friend, a dashing, beautiful pirate with a dashing, beautiful pirate duck strapped onto her head, was waving her plasterboard scimitar around. He dropped three bags of candy on her, and tapped his cheek for a kiss in return. She planted one on him, and dumped the booty in our pirate chest/crate (that we filled to the brim at least thrice. And also spilled stray beer over. At least thrice. Eh.)

The afternoon vanished in a rush of faces and floats. Ships went by, trucks went by. Tractors lugged massive wagons behind them, as did absolutely gorgeous Clydesdale horses, looking far more magnificent as they did, naturally. The booty consisted vastly of candy, candy, candy, but there were also gummy animals of every species, cookies, soft cakes, notepads and magnets, rubber ducks shaped with Beethoven’s head on them, stress balls, rubber balls, little pouches, a tulip float that handed out tulips (oo la laaa), and a singularly impressive procession of witches and vampires, that tossed out monster eye marshmallows from a gigantic cauldron.

During this entire time, I succumbed willingly to my Kryptonite- lollipops. The first wave had tossed a few in the window, and I decided to let myself a go a little. It led to an interesting moment later, when a man float going by yelled at me to take the lollipop out. I was completely sure I’d misheard the bizarre request, so I took it out and shouted back at him, ‘Why??’ To which I received a packet of soft cakes thrown at me, before the float went out of sight. Go figure.

Things were pretty wild west in there, though. Some people handed things to you, others slung in your direction with throws that would do Clayton Kershaw proud. Bees handed out honey-flavored chews, a field of sunflowers on legs went by and threw us sunflower seeds (little seed packets, with flowers painted on them!) and every manner of glucose fueled goodies, till my afternoon halted abruptly- I took a candy bar to the eye.

And that. shit. HURT. I was waving at someone to my right when a bar flew in from the left somewhere and caught me smack bang in my wide open left eye. I had a few moments of blinding pain and my eye felt like it was going to explode out of my head. I spent a  good 2-3 minutes doubled over completely shell-shocked and clutching my eye, going ‘my eye, my eye’ repeatedly. Then I hurried to the kitchen and my friend handed me a cold beer to hold against it. And let me tell you, alcohol *does* numb the pain.

A little while later, we headed out through the body of the parade. The only clear way out was to walk between the successive floats, and it was glorious. People were dancing on the sidewalks and occasionally spilling out onto the street. I saw a group of ballerinas hanging out a second-storey window, with MacGyvered upside down Umbrella candy catchers. 4-5 girls dancing in a circle dressed up as milk cartons, which I could not stop laughing about, and a severely impressive Renley Baratheon and company, who I deeply regret not taking pictures with.

Anyhoo, two days of sleeping off the alcohol poisoning from later that night and a bruised eye later, the Karneval has come to a close. I finally had the chance to witness a nationwide descent into madness, and added my own humble, licorice-flavored vodka insult to the liver contribution at the end. And although the binge cost me a day spent recovering in bed, I would not have missed it for the world. Dressed as a black cat and elbow deep in gummy bear treats (with a kick) is the only socially acceptable way to say goodbye and good riddance to the Karneval. So naturally, that’s what I did. When in Germany, do as the Germans do. 😉<p><a href=””>via GIPHY</a></p>

To A Kind Man


A man walks past a child, and
Smiles down at it
That is softness
Another stops his day to console a friend
That is benevolence
But there is a man, who sit miles away
From the object of his attention
And ceaselessly radiates hope
He gives freely his affection
And words falter when faced with
Such kindnesses
To him who spends so lavishly his love
In such excesses
I don’t know what to say
I cannot thank him enough in any way
Because I am that corner
Where the sun doesn’t reach
But love does, and I receive
It in such intensity
That eclipses are dwarfed
By the immensity
Of that kindness
And I turn to that radiance
When mountains loom, when
the monsters of the mind hold sway

And I will confess
I aspire to be you, to
Someone who needs to borrow light
Some day



To A Kind Man





Kind men. The world doesn’t have enough of them. Blessedly, I do. People who stop by with love, with comfort, who have no self serving reason to do what they do, but they do it anyway. Ashish, Don, Hershel, Furqan, Samee, Sharath– Thank you for helping me, and thank you for supporting me. I am grateful to you and for you.

His Kitchen Window





His Kitchen Window




His kitchen window always held the strangest appeal
Probably a bit because it was the only place
In his house where we could smoke
And not worry about
his aunt smelling us, it went right out
The view of the alley and the squashed vegetables
Where that crazy girl would screech back at that
Other girl with Down’s
It was the oddest, loudest, quiet place I’ve been
The boys would be in the bedroom, debating
Pros and cons of gaming strategy
Often, we’d skip class and head straight there, just to be free
Of any authority for a little while
And that kitchen window made a good perch
We’d look into the trash can and know exactly
How many beers he was running on, or
If he was running low
There was beer practically in arm’s reach anyway, you
Could see the shop from the window
It was a bubble of stasis, we’d come by even
If he’d gone out
Make ramen in the kitchen, make out
Fall in love over and over again
Discuss Liverpool’s abysmal performance,
Have existential crises
And then he moved away, our idiotic best friend
I swung by the place today, it
Was already leased
It’s funny though, how sunlight and
Smoke and love in a kitchen window
Can leave you with such
Oddly specific memories…


Day 27 of Napowrimo. Just.. Missing a friend and better times today.

Cheers, you guys. 🙂 

Nanny Come Home

Nanny Come Home
Our old nanny came back to visit us today. She’s ninety five years old now, and she was with our family for more than twenty five years. She was a cook before my parents got married, and got promoted to nanny when I came along. With over seventy years of cooking experience, you can imagine how amazing a chef she is. I grew up playing with her grandchildren and great grandchildren, and she’s witnessed all of us growing up. She witnessed too much, in fact. That was the reason she left is, because she couldn’t bear the way my dad treated us anymore. We lost an important ally that day.. But wow. The memories are a huge jumble now.

I still remember how me and my best friend while growing up, Sherrie, would constantly be under her feet. In the end, she’d give us butter knives and set us peeling potatoes to keep us busy. As you can imagine, we’d butcher more potatoes than we peeled. But the whole idea of playing ‘kitchen’ in a real kitchen, with real vegetables and real French fries at the end, was awesome. Eventually ‘kitchen’ gave way to water pistol fights, and football and cricket with my brother and his friends, but there was always a pitcher of orange juice or lemonade waiting for us, at the end of the day. Then my sister had her beans phase. Green beans for about six months, every day. And our nanny dutifully made the same exact boiled green beans breakfast, lunch, and dinner, for that time period. My sister refused to eat anything unless there were beans on her plate too. Our nanny has a mortal terror of reheating frozen food, it always had to be freshly made. And then came the okra phase. And then the tater tots phase. The tater tots phase was a mass delusion, because all three of us were obsessed with them during that time period. And not just us. All our school friends, too. Back in middle school I’d have someone or the other over for lunch every week that dad wasn’t home.

She’s actually been a parent to us more than my father has ever been. She stayed up every night one of us was sick, giving my mom company. She’s ‘accompanied’ us to various birthday parties when my dad wasn’t okay with us going alone. That actually translated into ‘he didn’t want us going at all’, but she took that excuse away from him. She stayed home all night with us on the night when the gate and a part of our wall caved in, because of a terrible, terrible storm. My sister and brother was just toddlers, I was very young, and my mom and her sat in the patio all night long, ready to make a run for it if the rest of the house start coming down too. Her son came down to sleep in our yard the day my dad’s brother came to our house in a drunken rage, demanding that my mom give him money. When she didn’t, he promised to return with friends to ‘teach’ us a lesson. None of us slept that night. She even got hit by my dad a few times, when she and my mom jumped into shelter us during dad’s blind frenzies. It’s not surprising why she left, none of those is part of any nanny’s job descriptions. And her heart wasn’t up to the constant exposure to dad, either. It was too stressful for her, especially at her age, so she left.
I’m glad she did. When she came today, it took her a few moments to realize that absolutely nothing has changed in my house. Sure, I’m a doctor now, and my brother and sister are all grown up, but nothing has changed in essence. We’ve gone from being the kids who hid behind the curtain and watched when she pretended to watch tv for our sakes, to being adults who don’t even have the time to watch tv anymore. Not that we could, I suspect. It still annoys dad too much, unless we’re watching news or one of his religious programming programs. Nothing’s changed, it’s a sad reminder. But even though she lectured me on the importance of finding a good husband before I get too old, it was still absolutely lovely to see her. One of the few people who cared.

(c) CM/20.10.2015

Frown Upside Down

Frown Upside Down

There was an upside down sunset today
Instead of sinking down into
The ground
The sun snuck out
From a cloud
Inch by inch
Peeking and shy
And fell into the sky
Sending out blushing rays

I couldn’t pull my eyes away

And the sun hung there,
Winking upside down
Shining gloriously
And it didn’t matter
How many people didn’t see
Or how it came to be
I watched it all, and gathered
All that beauty
Into me


God made suffering. God made pain. He let anguish and anger and self loathing feel as real as a slap in the face.

Then, God made friends. And no matter how many in the former category, the latter would always outweigh them. That is why God made loving friends.

Oh and God made upside down sunsets too. And if you guys haven’t seen one yet, then I guess he made one just for me today. :p



I love you

Like the Cookie Monster loves his Cookies
Like lawyers love their exorbitant fees
(or therapists, for that matter,
they’re the same)
I’d say I’m sure
I love you more
than tabloids love their sleaze

OR government employees, their pension
More than doctors love hypertension
(scribble some pills and slap
a bill
Then lecture on prevention)

It’s like I’m Ayers, you’re my rock
Like hippies gravitate to Woodstock
We’re Keith and Jagger, in the
Rolling Stones
Butter and jam inside a scone
Heck, I’d even be Kirk and trek the Star Trek
(You’re always going to be my Spock)

And it’s magical, how comical
and synergistic we are
Simplistic but yet mystical
You and I, we’re fairly bizarre
(And no, I’m not saying that just ’cause
you steal all my cigars)

I love you, and not just ’cause you’re
my best friend
It’s cause who you are, and who I am,
Just blend
So seamlessly
You’re the salt in the sea that’s me
The stars in my galaxy
And we both know

Outer space
Never ends

©CM for AMA


Happy Birthday, to the single most important person in my life. There will never be a day when I won’t want to tell you that I love you.

Happy Birthday!!! 😀

Happy Birthday, Calliope’s Lyre!!!! =D




                                                                                       HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! =D 


Buckle up, y’all! We got a long ‘un!! 





On January 16th, 2013, I decided to take the impetuous and slightly foolhardy plunge to jump off the wordpress cliff and dive headfirst into blogging. Dive. Headfirst. Like an impulsive lunatic. Which, you know, I am. but YAY FOR IT!!!! =D 

It was a decision right out of the blue. I mean, one day I was posting poems on Facebook and in the groups I share to, and then that very evening I asked a couple of friends what they thought, and bam! We had a blog, that’s right! 😀 It was all like 




And it really was that sudden, for me at least. Starting this blog ended up being a constant catalyst to a long series of changes, on both a conscious and subtly subconscious level, that in retrospect led to the some of the best decisions I have made till date. Lord knows I needed no help with expression or assertion (being a chatterbox does have it’s advantages ,you know), but the content of thought and priority changed drastically. I changed, and each time I looked back, I liked what I saw in the present better than the future. It turned into a constant state of self examination. I was constantly thinking, true, but constantly channeling sense, thanks to you guys, and I learned how to make sense. 


This blog served both as anchor and the wind in my sails. The opportunity to share, to be heard, to be known for who I really am even in the guise of yet another anon writer on the internet, it all helped me grow. So much so that in this one year of blogging, I’ve made some of my biggest personal and professional changes, some of my most significant revolutions, and as I look back, a lot of the confidence I needed for those minor epiphanies stemmed from here. From no longer needing validation, from no longer seeking validation. Simply because I realized I had a voice, and something that wasn’t entirely not worth saying. And that helped. 


That helped because in this one calender year I’ve faced more emotional turmoil than possibly ever before. I made mistakes, lots of them, and learnt lessons, an almost uncountable tally. I broke my heart and my body, till I hurt in places I didn’t know it was possible to hurt. Some days, most days, others gave me ample reason to hurt myself too. I healed, learned how to mend cracks and bruises, but best of all, I learnt how to walk on shattered dreams, to better places. Something I was taught by those closest to me, to learn how to hold on to other people when you don’t think you can do it on your own. And somehow, I earned some of those unbelievable people too. Oh and it hurt all the way, and it still hurts like a bee-yotch. It all fades into relative insignificance though, when I account for the fact that they all, every single one of them, led me to actively realize what I want. What I want from life. What I want from today. From me. 


That’s right. I have friends who will pull me out of demonic Xmas trees. See, that’s true love ❤

Hopefully, this is the first of many birthdays. Calliope’s Lyre is one year old and 512 followers strong. It doesn’t mean that I’m something, but at least, it means that we are something. 

And isn’t that amazing? 😀 


Happy Birthday, y’all!!! 😀 😀 😀 





Just kidding, we have cake! And hugs too!!!!  Pass them around!! 😀 😀 

Without You


Without You

From the corners in the crypts where darkened dreams grow
From the shadows of today that claw into tomorrow
In the nooks and crevices where the serpents of my mind
Writhe and slither, rustle, and reach out soft and slow

In shaking peripheries, the hauntings of each night
In endless searing glasses that serve no faith, respite,
Burning, burning, ice and fire, blurring out the world
Even drowning in the fumes will not lead to the light

I will never be happy, no, I will not find my peace
Trailing in hazy winter paths across the scattered greaves
Unheard, unsaid, the words I need to say, hiding inside
They flutter in my chest when I see you, like dying leaves

For the blackness has deepened, seeped into my soul
The screams and howlings echo, but they leave me cold
Without the sound of you, in this biting silence,
Without you, no, without you, I will never be whole….

© CM

No man is an island. Not one of us can claim to be an entirely independent entity, separate from the world around, from the people around us.

On the contrary, I’d say we’re more like jigsaw puzzles. Bits and pieces, corners and centers, colored in shades and images we draw from the people in our life. Some love, some laughter, some smiles, some frowns, and more, so many more colors, memories and pictures.

Some of these people we paint into our own life, marking them as one of our own. And some of these people paint themselves into our lives indelibly, taking a sharpie and writing their names across our universe. Marking our lives with their presence, for better or for worse, marking us as a part of them, and them as a part of us.

And then, there are others. The ones who say nothing, do nothing, leave no trace, even when you want to paint them into your existence. Without ever corporeally being there, they still make up more than half the picture in the jigsaw puzzle of you.

They make you, you.

What then, when you can’t find the words to make them stay?

What then, when you can’t define what you’ve only said unsaid?

What then, when you realize your picture is incomplete, and will remain so, unless you fit the right pieces in?

And what then, when the pieces you want won’t stay?

Questions, questions, questions.. They make for many a sleepless night…

Here’s hoping your’s have more pleasant dreams…

Moonchill and starlight,

Cookie ❤

Wild One


Wild One


Tie me not within your words
Hold me down not in your gaze
Let me be one with the wind
Brine foam to sunsets ablaze
On the wings on which the world sways
Unkempt, runaway, let me be
Barefoot, dew drenched, in this blue night,
I am wild, let me be free

Take your bindings off my hands
The path laughs under my feet
Rejoicing in the glory of
Being alive, wandering, see
There is a world there for me
To walk, to find, to fly across
Rebel music, gypsy steps dancing
Anklets skimming the damp moss
Scented, in the mountain air
Touched with gardenia and joss

Rippling light flows ‘cross my skin
Come, read with me, what it says
Splitting these clouds open wide,
Forking my way, lightning plays
Maddened in the rush of being
I dive into the blue sea
Tie me not within your words
I am wild, let me be free

Tie me not within your heart
I am wild
Let me be free…


© CM



To the place where the heart soars

To where your mind is open, filled with light… Where mornings are a day of promise, of the beginning of wonder, where night is the slow whisper of magic to come…

Where the music pipes in your ear on the wind, where the end has no end, just like the sky has no beginning, where every breath fills you like a blessing, and every touch a world in itself…

Where we are free, you and I, to think, to feel, to laugh, to sit together in quiet contentment,

Where we are free, best friends, to be

Where we can be wild, unchained, unbound, unfettered

Let us go there,

Where we are free…


Love and light,

Cookie ❤