I’m in the City That Never Sleeps.

It doesn’t let other people sleep either.

How beautiful the stilled chaos can be…


Blood Music 

I knew a man with laughing eyes 

Who thought the world could sing 

And in keeping with his philosophy 

He did everything 

He could, to make even the mute cry 

The seeing would go blind, not to see 

The songs people sang to for him 

Scarred their voices permanently

I knew that man with laughing eyes 

Too well, oh 

Too well 

And if only I could sing again 

Oh, the tales I would tell

But I left him, to his bone music 

Not far but far enough behind 

And ran into another man, headlong 

Who’d been waiting for me some time 

And he didn’t mind, my grave like eyes 

And the blood music in my head 

He’d learnt from a girl with laughing eyes 

That it’s better to have ones that are dead 

Now this man with dead eyes holds my hand 

And my lifeless ones sparkle too 

And it doesn’t matter, that we don’t sing out loud 

Because we have hearts that do 

© yusra 



Hiraeth. A welsh word for a lost home that can never be returned to. 

I’m curious, though, why the feeling is present strongly enough in the welsh, for them to have a word for it. I know precious little about them- maybe one of you could explain why?

Or maybe, they just recognized something so many people ache for, and cannot precisely name. 

A lost home. Homes lost in people. Homes lost on people. Loss. 
Still finding, 

Yusra ❤️

Day Twelve- By Heart 

Relearning Happiness 

It was like learning how to pray 

How folded hands and murmured words

Led to understanding the truth 

Hidden behind empty gestures 

That God was not the property of 

Apoplectic corpulents

It was like recognizing injury 

Palpating for wounded feelings, verbally 

Cautiously probing what prodded 

People to lash out, unreserved 

That I was not to blame, it 

Was not deserved 

It was every instance of healing 

Every time I consciously, heathenly withdrew 

Every time I groped for an answer 

Smiling at what I knew was untrue 

With the short term memory 

of the broken and the uneasy 

the flawed and the restless

the faceless unnamed  

the damaged and the lamed, 

It comes as a taste of the glorious 

a recognition of your own holiness 

Like a mouthful of sunshine, every time

That you relearn happiness 





I drank a glass full of light
It was cold, bitter even
There was something in it
So unforgiving
A lingering aftertaste
Of truth, I suppose
Seared my throat
as I swallowed
It burned
But the enlightenment left me awake
And weak
Limbs trembling in realisation
Sudden and bleak,
That I’d been altered permanently
And eventually, I’ll be alright
But I’ll never be able to go back
To drinking sweet lies



What Have I Left Behind?

What Have I Left Behind?

I can’t help but wonder if

The price of having made it so far 

Has been altogether too high

I stopped walking with you

I walked away, not because you

Didn’t love me, but

Because you lied 

And two

Doesn’t count as promiscuity in any book

But it did in mine 

And since I’d begun to

Let you in, I’m guilty too

I broke your heart because I almost

let you inside 
But life comes full circle 

Many times over 

And now he won’t let me in 

Like I didn’t let you in 

Remembrances plague me

-what have I done? 

Was I the one for you, just like

He is the one? 

Did I leave you before our course was run,

Should I have explained?

That I was already in pain, and watching you

Crack and break, again and again 

Was twisting my spine into two?

Should I have confessed that I 

Almost could have loved you?

That you scared me, that I was stupid

That you deserved more than a childish 

Girl, writing to you

Sharing her world with yours, across four seas

That I never even saw the light, but you

Were a devotee 

That I still wonder in every weak moment 

Whether I could have stood tall

Next to you, even though every week

I watched you fall 

Two broken people who hid their faults 

Sought to defeat reality

Neither of whom believed in love 

-no, this is not my apology

But my concession 

If nothing else, we learnt the bitter 

Beginnings of redemption

We were not growing, we were codependent 


But the possibility of being more 

Was one we never had 

Before- I gave that to you

And after years of rejection you taught me

To know

And let the right one in through 

Even though it meant that

It wasn’t you 

Could I have stayed? 

I don’t know, I still don’t 

What have I left behind?

Did I add affliction to your addiction 

Just because I could bear to be reminded

Of your weakness, of your failing

Is that my defense 

Because I was crippled, and I sought strength

Instead you took mine from me and 

I had none left to lend

I couldn’t even leave you as a friend

I ran away, terrified 

Told myself I’d come back to stronger 

You lied to me, then I lied 

Took the years to make a self

For myself 

And actually found love 

And in every glance he denies me

I know what I deprived you of 
Maybe he’ll tire of my weakness 

Maybe he’ll seek his own strength, and walk away 

Maybe the world will circle again, and he’ll wonder some day

Whether he should have kept his hand in mine 

That said- I know for sure 

You always deserved someone who loved you more 

That I could

You’ll be happy that you left me behind 



You meet a lot of people in your life, and they teach you. But sometimes you meet someone who teaches you that life exists. And then someone who teaches you how to build one, now that you know it exists. 
I’m trying to build one now. And I’m grateful for every lesson.