All Of Us Pagans Cry

I am seeking, again

The restlessness shimmers

under my skin

I walk in the sun, reflective

Look at my hands- they darken

As the heat of realization

effectively

Beats every frivolity out of me

Burnt tongues and

singed fingertips

And the bare, bleached bones

Floating in the meandering Styx

-This is my day

Thus I answer my own question,

Why I seek refuge in the

Nothingnesses, the recesses of night

By dawn, I am unsettled again

The thought wanders stray,

into a vein

These tattooed bands of

radiance in the sunlight

sift

Reality drifts –

The heat hazes

My lips twitch

I shy from coherence

Consummation fades

A lone raindrop falls from the sky

Oh, all of us pagans cry

All of Us Pagans Cry

©️ Yusra

02.03.2018

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And Then, I Flew

I’m behind on my words. I fell off the world for a few weeks.

I didn’t fall back on love.

Nothing to do with the paper-heart explosion every shop has turned into these days, but- I love y’all so. ❤️

Hugs and cookies, always

~ Y

Casual Suicides

It took one crossed line

For you to point a finger at me

And for me to see

Bitter, bitter words

I left blood on the switchboard

It didn’t matter, I’d wipe it the next day

Along with the rest of the blood stains

Bleach works, they said

So I drank it. False advertising.

It burned like a bitch, gargling with acid

But it didn’t do much cleansing

The blood darkened and my tongue ate away

The slash across my face wept for you and

My lips champed

My teeth gnashed

The gash bled, the blood stayed

It wasn’t fair then

It isn’t now, not even tonight

The dawn blossoms as the blood blooms

Bony wrists caving inwards, contrite

Apologetic for too many memories

Arms wearing ropes like bangles, discreet

I healed, your fingers knew it too

And then you left your voice to probe

The weakest inches I showed you

Such bitter, bitter words

They taste good, they taste like you

I laugh for them, I’m happy

I’ve learnt to dip my nails into

whatever pain they sent me

Bleached throats and raspy words

Make for a velvety apathy

I’ll swallow it all,

Sweet or rusty, salty,

I’ve had so much worse

I really should buy something stronger

For those fucking stains on the switchboard.

Casual Suicides

©yusra

23.01.2018

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.

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I’m not anything. I’m just angry. It was just last night. And today. And maybe a little, tomorrow. It’s been a confusing few days.

I Saw You Today

I saw you today, in a shop window

In that blue button up I recognized

that always turned your eyes

into the green of a forest floor

I didn’t get close enough to

see them, this time

I was just passing by

I only got close enough to realize

that you’re still painfully handsome

That I loved you then,

back in that short-lived when,

and I still do

But

I’ll probably never get close enough

to love you

I Saw You Today

©yusra

23.11.2017

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I Saw You Today. It was the oddest thing. The last drunken night I’d sought you out, just for a look at your happy, put together life, came rushing back to me, coloring my cheeks with the blush of a girl who knows shame and regret, and wistfulness in the same mouthful. You stood out then. You stand out now. I saw your reflection in the shop window as I walked past. I was too scared to stop. Too scared to turn around and look again. Too far away when I remembered that you had no business being in my part of town.

Too cynical to even think for a moment, that you could’ve come for me. That ship sailed, hit an iceberg and split into two, and sank to the bottom of an ocean of unnameable horrors, where the skeletons of our lives are buried restlessly, only to ripple in fierce storms.

Storms. You used to flinch at thunder.

It was the most amusing thing, the first time you did it. A full grown man, one as magnificent as you laying next to my humble limbs, flinching at the sounds crackling sky. I don’t even remember how you wrapped your long limbs around me that night. In retrospect, we were a pair of the oddest jigsaw puzzle pieces that ever fit. I don’t remember how I even slept that night, half suffocated under your weight.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. I remember. Every time I reach the bottom of a glass I remember. That. How your hair was straw colored in the sunshine, and brown when you walked out of the shower. How your eyes switched so crazily quick between green and brown that I could always tell what you’re thinking. I want to see them change color for me, flicker to that dark green one more time at me, I want to see your eyes and to be able reach up to you on my tip toes again.

But I can’t. Because I saw you today, and I know that you’re a stranger. And all I am, is lost in reflection.

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Das All, für J. Refraction is Real too.

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Good Monday Morning, my lovelies! ❤️

Secant Lines Are Squared

Stand, on the other side of the world

Raise your fingers, touch my face

– No, that makes no sense

But it once did

It once did

You made more sense to me than

Biology and Physics

When you love me again

When you love me at all

These tangents will fall

Just raise your eyes to me,

and we will be

The opposite of a circle.

‘Secant Lines Are Squared’

Yusra,

12.11.2017.

Das All, für J.

Alles für ewig und weiter.

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