Going Fetal

Not much in the way of words left today. There’ll be another 3 am tomorrow, though.

Love,

Cookie ~

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Archimedes’ Other Principle

It still hasn’t stopped being disconcerting.

Admittedly, I’ve been more touchy than usual in these days last few days. The Domino Effect of Shitstacks states that new nuisances will compound older ones and all of them put together, reawaken the oldest. Or, release the broken Kraken, I suppose. And mine’s barely on a leash.

I wonder with increasing frequency, when this un-banishable feeling of inadequacy will finally leave. Every day I wake up feeling empty is a day I spend wondering, in every unguarded moment, _why_ I wasn’t good enough. Why you were stupid enough. Why I was stupid enough. Why nothing was enough. And I’ve had enough of it.

I want to be free, of this persistent nothingness. I’m not looking to fill it with someone else, and as gut-wrenching as the thought is, not even with you again. You punched your way out of my chest. You’re not finding home in there again, no matter how contrite you are.

So there’s that, I suppose.

At least the birds are so loud that they drown out my thoughts. Good morning it is.

– C

 

fireflies.jpg

 

 

She had her hands wrist deep in mud

Her fingers worried some lost root
That had the owner breathless, caught
The flowers grew misshapen, blue
The air in their gasping mouths, taut
Lines of leaves dying in vain,
Holding no sustenance, the tree
Was dying, rotting inside out,
She knelt at its graveside, to free

The tendril of forgotten life
That somewhere in its belly coiled
I found her, hands wrist deep in mud
Pale face streaked damp with hopeful soil
That harbored yet an aching cry
No one had stopped, no one had heard
This lone slip of a girl had stopped
Forlorn on her way, and turned

I touched her shoulder and she stilled
Had she not, frenzied, seen me come?
Her quivering lip gave me answer
Blind eyes, whimpering lips struck dumb
A milky stare that I could look through
A mind of endless blackened depths
But for its confused rolling mass of sensation
Less, not more lightless

I reached a finger to her face
I passed through her, I took her with
The tree would stand, as is, dying,
No more dead tomorrow, and no less
This jewel in the tattered smock
Babbling, incoherent beggar girl
Glowed like an ember in gray dust
She deserved more than this lost world

I took her home, across the veil
As her feet grew into the tree
The next one to stop to help her
Next worthy of my love will be
For now, her fingers dance in clay
That grows itself along her veins
The lidless stare shines benevolent
As queen on her new throne she reigns

What am I but a collector?
A bored god seeking shiny stones
Stray bits of burning humanity
To flesh the rock of my cold home
All the beautiful ones live here
Small goddesses, nurtured and loved
That I could save from that lost mass
of meat and thought I’ve no use of

I am but almost all entombed
Cut off by these walled in souls who
Are all I’ll take to my slumber
These invisible beautiful women, too
Fragile to leave on that cold earth
Amidst the hungry, ravenous beasts
Monsters I am too tired to fight
Creatures I’ve abandoned to their feasts

I am surrounded by fireflies
The last dredges of purity
The chipped pieces of my images
That hold vestiges of mercy
Each one I loved, each one I saved,
Each one who in turn now save me,
Each one who stopped one a rainy night
To help a scared, suffocating tree

Fireflies on the Walls

c. Yusra

05.11.2017

 

 

 

Image credit: Imgur : https://imgur.com/vDvgp8I

 

 

Soliloquy 

Soliloquy


Another restless night
Too many words, not enough coherence to write
Condolences to somnolence, insolence to shut eyed
Indolence, this impudence, ambivalence, outright
Defiance, to every effort painstakingly contrived
To write, to write, to write!

Depart me my reason, reject all these claims
Descensions into insanity do not deserve to be- Proclaimed!
Exultant, victorious, come
Look at me
The babble pours forth in bubbling nonsense
Loquacious- look, I am crazy!
I see, I see, I see
Books like headless angels flapping around me
Rooftops in the darkness, methods to the madness
Vehemences of inspired
grandiloquence
One simple minded, self convinced confused woman
Starving on the sustenance of anemic omnipotence

You conspired to inspire me
You forced me to think
You made me cry
All I ever wanted was a quiet moment
Silence
You and I
Two moons in the sky
Deprived of that meager solace
Have my raving soliloquy instead
I’m done, I’m almost empty

I wonder

Tonight

Could I finally

Fly?

©CM
30.09.2016

Head Injury

HeadInjury

 

 

 

That’s why they call it ‘falling in love’
It tends to smack you in the face
Or make you stumble and dive headfirst
And you notice that the stars above
Are suddenly brighter, the pace
At which the world turns, is slower
The Heavens are lower, within
Your reach, your skin
Is painted, and each
Of the colors
Belong to someone else
The music of the universe
Crescendos and quells
It bruises you, the force
Of your spiritual ascent
Physically, simultaneously,
Expect a descent
Confusion, confabulation
Disorientation
Falling in love, therefore, is
Practically a concussion

 

 

©CM
04.01.2016