His Lovely Bones

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His Lovely Bones

Dewy soft skin ripples as
Slowly, he turns,
He turns towards me
Stretching, cat like, long lithe limbs,
Reaching to the morning, sleepily

Creaking bones,
His lovely bones,
Velvet shadows dwell in hollows
That I have come to learn,
To know
Tender pathways, memorized,
Contours I could paint blind
Places I nestle into at night
Tastes, and fragrances, discerned,
Trails, down where our scents mingle
Ever
So
Slow

Cell whispers to cell, of magic,
Infusing life to numb eyes
Flowing, limpid, to liquid touch.
Manna for the wearied sighs
Of the aching, or the quaking,
Warmth pools
in my deadened form
Trickling from his fountain of life,
I
Draw more, and more,
I am reborn
Enclosed in him, his lovely bones,
My stone form is
revitalized
Every day I wake up to him
Is a day where
I am
It is a day
I am alive

Enclosed in him, his lovely bones
Each night I gather, battered,
Torn
And he kisses
the taste of death away
I am not alone

I am not alone

© CM
21.07.2014

Moonchill

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Moonchill

I seem to be searching
for things I cannot find
In places somewhere, that
I do not know
Under lights that cannot,
or will not
Shine for me,
On walkways and precipices
Of starlight and moon dust
I wander
And water
Dreams
That will not grow

I straggle, through the cosmos
Trailing infinite ether
Sifting through thoughts
Gathered long ago

None of them fit, for
My mind is a universe
And our galaxy
Is all
That’s left
That glows…

© CM
19.07.2014

Love and light to you all <3

Cookie~

Acceptance

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Acceptance

Acceptance
It’s such a powerful thing
To be able to look yourself
In the eye, and say
Yes
This is who I am
This is me
To be able to sleep at night
Knowing,
That even if you’re not where
You aimed for, right now,
You’re okay
You’re okay just to be.
To exist in the space
You occupy
Even if it isn’t euphoria
It isn’t misery

And I want to be able to do that
Know my vices
Fill the crevices
To be able to
Know my light
Despite the daily struggles that come
Acknowledge the fact
That I’m worth the effort
Find satisfaction, resignation,
That I’m worth the fight

And I wish, like the stormy skies,
I could just pour away all the tears
All the pain
But no matter how much I do
How much I let out
It’s simply never the same
Again

©CM
11.07.2014

Acceptance. It’s such a powerful thing.

I was never brought up to accept myself. On the contrary, it was a cacophony of criticism from my father. Too fat, too stupid, too slow, too ugly, too short, too lazy, basically everything that could be wrong in the world, he saw in me. My mother is a supporter of being honest ‘no matter what’, so she always told me that I was just normal, below average. I could be above average if I tried, but I had to do that on my own. Not exactly the kind of stuff I’d tell a nine year old girl struggling to form a self image, but well.

It really is no surprise that I had such a distorted perception of myself for so long. That it took me years to acknowledge my accomplishments as accomplishments, not just something every kid or teen did. I grew incredibly insulated, and incredibly crippled emotionally. If someone gave me a compliment, I’d snort derisively, I mean, how could someone see something good in me, when I couldn’t myself? There was nothing good about me. There was nothing right about me. I was nothing but one mistake after the other, that’s all there was to me.

And then it all changed. For so long I let people point out flaws in me that I never realized I didn’t have to listen to it. I didn’t have to agree to it. And now I don’t.

Acceptance is a powerful ability to possess. I find that now, now when I’m possibly in the worst shape of my life, and emotionally at my most brittle, now I find that I can accept myself. I won’t deny my flaws, my vices, but I accept them. I accept the good and the bad as part of me. Changes that need to be made as I see fit. And I was taught, my someone very dear, someone who probably didn’t even realize what they were teaching me, that all I needed to do, was accept myself.

It’s a necessity, really. To be able to gauge yourself, where you stand, in brutal honesty about your faults and your skills. It’s something we all need to see, that our faults make us who we are just as much as anything else. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a survivor, despite what my upbringing taught me. Despite what anyone said to me.

And it’s a lesson I’m learning, slowly but surely . One that I hope to keep learning, for the rest of my life.

Love and light,

Cookie <3

Ps. Go Germany!!!!!!

Your Skin

 

 skin

I used to ache for beauty in my world.

I used to hold on so carefully, to every glimpse I could glean. Preserve it in frozen perfection in my mind, envelop it in my thoughts, wrap it in words and squirrel it away into a niche, to draw upon when I needed that beauty.

And then you came along, and I could no longer hold on to those faint streaks of blushing dawn. The crystalline beads of dew hanging on spiderwebs, were no longer diamond. A lingering whiff of gardenia was nothing more than a brushstroke, in a palette of wider fragrance.

You came along, and everything else in my world just paled in significance.

The sunlight is still beautiful, but only because when I turn, it catches the dusting of golden hair along your jaw. Its brilliance only serves me in shadow, when it makes your lashes throw shadows along my fingertips.

The sun merely serves to illuminate you.

Every aspect of the physical world has ceased to be coherent on its own, it seems. The moon is a reminder of your windy, steep balcony, where I may some day, fall off the face of the earth. The rain teases and cajoles, whispering endless murmurs of repeated conversations. Time is naught but a whirl of color revolving around your hand and mine, and your smile and mine, and I am not even aware of each facet. The din of the world has receded into meaningless white noise- I hear you, and that seems quite enough.

Is it any surprise then, that my thoughts are as lost as my words?

Or that I lie awake aching still next to you, marveling at your limbs entwined with mine… marveling at the halo the sprinkled beams make over your skin, when morning creeps in through our window?

Or that, well, I could lie awake all night that way, just so that I would wake up next to you?

I used to ache for beauty in my life. I used to hold on to every single tatter I could gather. I used to live somehow, I have no recollection of that past life, that past self. Who I am now, is somebody entirely else. Somebody happy. And you made me this way.

And I would sell my soul for a few stray coins, if it meant I could wake up next to you for the rest of my life, every single day…

CM

01.07.2014

 

Numb

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Numb

Glazed, my sight
Dulled perceptions
Blurred images flashing by
All the world
All the sights
All the senses
Effortlessly dumbed
The restless breeze is just a
Ripple
Hear it weep
Hear it cry
Making its way through the trees
Through my hair
Every realization
Moving in and out of focus
Every realization
Stunned
Every awakening gathered,
Tethered
Every movement of the body, mind
Measured
Every epiphany
Temporarily shunned

Today I want naught
Of sentience
The lights fade away into
Nothingness
Dimmed, all extinguished
Blunt
The raindrops herald
My oblivion

Tonight I am
Comfortably numb

© CM
27.06.2014

Thanks for the prompt, Daily Post. It fit perfectly. :)

Cheers,

Cookie <3

PS. How could I not? :-P

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y7EpSirtf_E

Knots

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Knots


There were infinite roads, and
Infinite destinations
Circles within circles, circuitous
Paths of mind
Elemental, transcendental,
I would gaze at the Sun
to look at your face
Even if it rendered me
Blind

In the feverish babel of
The fireworks, the fragrances
The sunrises and sunsets blended
Illuminating just you, seamlessly
Illuminating just you, my dreams knotted
Intertwined, and grew
Both roses, and thorns,
I blossomed
Past reality

And drop by drop, the trickling dew
Fed into a white flecked river
It flows
In the caverns, in the recesses of percipience
Feeding the deluge of bliss
Wherever it goes
Wherever you go

And I’m caught, drenched in thought,
Trapped in your arms tonight
In this rain
It’s come full circle, in finding you
,
I lost myself, and found myself,

And lost myself again …

©
30.05.2014

Hope

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Hope

I tried
To write about you
Today
And it’s not as if
I had nothing to think about,
Nothing to say
But the pictures jumbled
The memories muddled
Incomprehensibly
My words got lost
In each other
Their meaning was
Eclipsed
From me

I tried
To say it to you
Instead of hiding
Instead of writing
But my voice was hot coals
In my throat
The eloquence turned to ashes
Under your ice cold stare
What could I possibly say
To make you care
When you just
don’t care?

I tried
To let it go
To let it be just a moment
Lost
In the oceans of eternity,
I keep drowning in my lies
You can’t be saved
When the truth’s too bitter
To set you free

I still hold on, though
There’s hope, yet
Somewhere, somehow
There’s hope

I have hope
For you and me

© CM
07.06.2014